Accept This Rose

I don’t know about you guys, but in my opinion, this is the worst season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette I’ve ever watched. Last week I was bored, and this week I was officially annoyed. That being said, I definitely LOLzed a few times this week, and that’s what we should focus on.

This week starts off with a new location – another new chance for Ashley to forget about Bentley – Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Ben F. gets the first 1-on-1 date card and Ashley takes him to explore the city. They do lots of arts and crafts and get a chance YET AGAIN to talk about what a brilliant artist he is. They speculate if the professional umbrella painter can paint elephants – probably not as good as you, Ben.

They talk about placing his fine works of art on their mantle one day and make a bunch of cheesy proposal jokes that aren’t worthy of being noted on this blog. At this point, my anger level is at about a level 3.

Then the couple visits this ancient temple where they pretend make out in their heads. So hot. Anger level is at a 6 now…

Next the conversation gets more serious and Ben F. brings up his father who passed away just 4 and a half years ago and how hard it was to deal with. Ashley asked what finally “snapped him out of it?”

They “make out” (which is really just 1 totally lame kiss being looped with shots of fireworks in between) and we all fall asleep.

Back at the house, William is REALLY letting himself go.

Lucas – maybe keep your shirt on.

Next up on the group date, the guys are going boxing!! This is going to be SO MUCH FUN! During the warm-up, Ames gives himself a mild concussion which he will later blame on Ryan P.

Then the guys get to fight each other. Blake kicks Lucas in the ribs and wins, Mickey kicks JP’s ass round 1, but JP comes back to seal the deal in round 2. Ryan P. barely beats the already concussed Ames in pink shorts. Constantine somehow beats Nick, and now Ames doesn’t feel like himself.

Everyone is really concerned, especially JP and Constantine.

Ames is rushed to the hospital to get his head checked, and the guys put on a change of clothes and grab some champagne to celebrate.

Here is my favorite quote of the night – right before Ames returns from the hospital – “If anyone could wear pink shorts… oh hey Ames!”

During some one-on-one time, Blake tells Ashley that love is a marathon, not a sprint. He tells her he’s feeling a little insecure (or Ashley tells him he’s feeling insecure) and they totally connect on that level so he gets a pity rose.

Lucas – God bless him – asks Ashley what her type is, and before she can give a thoughtful answer, he says Bentley. “Oh my God, how did you know that?” Anger. Rising…

The look on Ames’ face during the toast makes me wonder if he should be drinking right now…

Now to the dreaded 2-on-1 date. Ashley, William and Ben C. are going river rafting. Er, Ben C. and Ashley are going river rafting, and William’s just steering the boat and checking in on them occasionally. So William decides to throw Ben C. under the bus and tell Ashley he’s ready to go home because he’s looking forward to dating sites.

She immediately goes to Ben and sends him home without even giving him an opportunity to explain.

Anger. Level 10.

First of all, why does Ashley think people go on The Bachelorette? I’ve got a few reasons.
1) To promote themselves or something.
2) To become the next Bachelor/Bachelorette.
3) To possibly find love, but if not, at least they’ll be the hottest single Bachelor/ette in their hometown.

NO ONE GOES ON THE BACHELOR ACTUALLY THINKING THEY ARE GOING TO WIN. NO ONE. NOT ASHLEY, NOT BEN C., NOT WILLIAM – NOT ANYONE ELSE.

For God’s sake Ashley, Ben C. was a nice guy and was the most romantic of the bunch. If anyone were to really think they were going to fall in love with someone on national TV, it would be Ben. He probably made a joke in passing that if he doesn’t win, at least he could date whoever he wanted back in New Orleans. I’m sure the other guys feel the same way.

Dear Ben: You have been my favorite since Day 1 and although I’m the cynical, sarcastic point of view on this blog, I actually thought your hopeless romanticism was a little cute. I hope you find the girl of your dreams back in New Orleans or on OK Cupid or whatever you were imagining, but listen to me – you have dodged a bullet my friend. God has spared you.

Prince William didn’t stand a chance either, and he was sent home for being too childish. Duh. His parting words were really creepy and disturbing. He’s obviously an emotional rollercoaster – maybe they were right for each other all along.

I finally came out of my anger daze to hear Ashley babbling again about her damn insecurities and just in time to see her toss the rose into the fire.

Okay, I’m settling down. Time for the cocktail party. Ashley says just one more time she totally understands if no one will ever fall in love with her. Ryan P. is the first to jump in and reassure her. Guess what Ryan? Your time is short-lived. The little swoop in and save me bit only gets you so far. No way she’s keeping you around ’til the end.

Constantine is soaking wet and says he’s more into the guys than Ashley.

JP is totally jealous. She loves that.

Before Ashley can do the rose ceremony, she has another intervention sit down with Chris Harrison. Chris, please talk some sense into her. Ashley tells Chris that she knows he’s going to be mad at her, but she still can’t stop thinking about – guess who – Bentley. “That’s not normal,” she says. “No,” Chris replies. He currently has his lawyers looking into his contract to see how he can get out of this mess.

But Chris tells her he’ll see if he can get Bentley to fly out to check in on her. With new found hope, Ashley sends Nick home.

I give up.