We start out this episode by Kasey flashing the camera some gang signs so that everyone can see how tough he is.
Heh, this is gonna be a good one. This week’s challenge was extra fun. The contestants dressed up in white bathing suits and had targets on their back – literally. The Bach Pad PA’s literally airbrushed targets onto the contestants backs.
This turned out to be the most cruel game yet. The girls threw paint-filled eggs at the guys when anonymously answering questions like, “Who are you most attracted to in the house?” and “Who do you want to see go home?”
Jake got the most eggs on his back for the “who do you want to see go home” question. I’m actually starting to feel really sorry for him. I mean, yeah, he did flip out on camera at the break-up episode, but honestly, who wouldn’t after hearing Vienna’s B.S. for months? I wish I could reach through the TV and slap her. TEAM JAKE.
The saddest part of this game though is when the guys got to throw eggs at the girls. Poor Erica got about 8 eggs on her back for being the least attractive girl in the house.
How the hell did she get paint on her eyes?
Anyway, Rookie of the Year trophy goes to Stag. Nice work, dude.
Melissa and Michael win the roses, despite the fact that Vienna played on a softball team in high school.
MStag picks Erica (because she won’t stop crying), Michelle (because she’ll get the dirt from Holly on their relationship and tell him later), and Holly (because he’s about to get heartbroken again) to go on the date. The producers come up with the brilliant idea to take them to an abandoned mental hospital scavenger hunt. The budget really got slashed for Bach Pad dates.
Erica quickly shows her stuff on the chains… I feel like she might have some experience doing this…
And as an olive branch to Erica for nailing her in the back with a 90 mph pitch, Mikey offers to channel some spirits with her. She’s into it.
Meanwhile, Michelle is chatting with Holly in the next room about where her relationship with Michael went wrong. We never really get to the bottom of this, but it’s definitely leading up to a nice heartbreak when Holly hooks up with Blake the real dentist. (I mean, she’s flossing for him for God’s sake)
To no one’s surprise, Michael gives the rose to Holly, and they get a one-on-one moment on the rooftop to talk about their relationship. Poor guy, he really loves her. She just thinks “something’s missing.” (or someone – Blake?)
They hug it out and Mikey thinks they’re all good, while Holly’s just thinking about how quickly she can get back to the house before Blake hooks up with Melissa again.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Ames and Jackie are somewhere making out.
And Vienna is drinking and telling everyone YET AGAIN how much of an ass Jake is. If we all just knew what he put her through, we’d understand.
Jake asks Vienna if he can have a word with her, but he’s not allowed to talk to her without Kasey present.
Next up, Melissa picks 3 guys for her date. She chooses Kirk, Kasey and obviously Blake. Blake decides tonight is the night to make his move. I mean, it’s basically like hooking up with a prostitute, right? So serendipitous.
So what if Melissa made a pact with Kasey? Blake is obviously into her and she’s not going to eff that up. She gives him the rose.
Kasey and Kirk take a small life raft back to the beach so Melissa and Blake can get some alone time.
This is when I’m reminded that I used to have a major crush on Kirk. Somebody snatch him up.
Without a rose, Gia knows she’s likely to go home, so she decides to make an alliance with Graham (because they’re really good friends outside of the show and she knows she can trust him) to break up the power couples – specifically Kasey & Vienna.
The Godfather is going to be pisssssed.
Holly and Blake are both back from their group dates, and it’s time to meet up in the boom-boom room.
Melissa is looking for Blake EVERYWHERE. She’s even asking the producers and camera men where she can find them, and they happily lead her to him.
This is just getting awkward.
Blake’s finally starting to see that Melissa is LOONEY but he knows he’s done nothing wrong (cough).
Jake makes one more attempt to save his a** this week by asking Kasey and Vienna for their help.
It didn’t go well. Kasey’s tattoo starts throbbing like Spiderman’s spidey senses and he knows is time to guard and protect.
Vienna loves it. Kasey’s such a man with that tattoo he got for
Ali his non-profit.
Before the rose ceremony, Chris makes a big announcement that this week 2 girls will be going home instead of a guy and a girl. THIS IS CHEATING. I’m sorry – how does someone who is not actually playing the game cheat in a game?
Vienna goes on a tirade about how ABC forced her to do a break-up special (just like they forced her to sell her break-up story to a tabloid) and now they’re forcing her to be on this stupid show with Jake. Chris shows her the door.
Although she fears for her life, she decides to stay.
Kasey confronts Gia about her little side-pact with Graham. Does she really think she can get away with stabbing The Godfather in his back?
She decides to leave the show rather than be betrayed by her BFF Graham again.
Gia, I love you, but you have to stop crying incessantly.
Now that Gia voluntarily left, only 1 more girl has to go home. It’s between Ella and Jackie, and while Ames thinks he makes a deal with Kasey and Vienna to keep Jackie on, it doesn’t work out for him.
Ella gets the rose, and Jackie gets the limo. Ames walks her to the car in his papaya Chinos.
While they’re sad Jackie is leaving, they’re happy to have found love. And then – just when we all thought Jackie would go home and they’d forget all about each other, Ames makes a mad dash for the limo.
Okay, as cynical as I am, I did shed a tear when Ames ran for the limo. Because what girl doesn’t want a guy to chase her down the road as she’s leaving for the airport??
Next week on The Bachelor Pad, here’s a glimpse of one of my favorite WTF moments…
Jake and Erica?! WTF?!