Well we’re just about halfway through the season, and it’s time for an update on the Fantasy Bachelor League! You can always keep up with the scores here.
Congrats to the following people who are currently tied for 1st place with 800 points!
If you’d like to get in on the action, be sure to join next season by week 1. We’ll post more details here before the next season starts.
“It was also established in San Francisco that contestant Samantha [Levey] had fallen for producer Bennett Graebner. Nothing physical ever happened between the two, but Samantha told producers she didn’t want to be there anymore because she had feelings for someone else, somehow they convinced her to stay another episode, and that was that. I am not sure if this storyline will ever make air because Bennett is married with kids, but hey, it sure made for some good dirt. So whatever BS reason they show for Samantha leaving in Utah, just know it’s because of that.”
Looks like someone pulled a Rozlyn!
While this post is titled “Top 10 Moments of The Bachelor,” it could have easily been titled “More Reasons Why I Hate Courtney (and a few other awkward moments of this episode).” Let’s get to it.
10. Malibu Barbie is highly emotional, sent home early.
In an odd 1-on-1 conversation, Samantha asks where her relationship is going with Ben, and he calls her “highly emotional” and sends her home early. I was totally bummed because Samantha was actually one of my favorite people on this season. According to Reality Steve, there is some speculation about her having an affair with a married producer, but I think she’s too sweet. Anyway, if it’s true, it would definitely be a good explanation of why Ben was so heartless when letting her go.
9. Emily gets her roots did by Blakeley.
If I had to trust someone with doing my roots in the house, I don’t think Blakeley would be my first choice. Just sayin’.
8. Blakeley is ghetto, dance moves support this theory.
Stomping. Not necessarily the sexiest dance move.
7. Emily outs Courtney, Ben’s penis overrules.
Poor Emily. She had good intentions by wasting her precious one-on-one time with Ben to let him know that Courtney is not here for the right reasons, and is a bit two-faced. As a token of thanks, Ben tells Emily this will end in her own demise. As Patti Stanger would say, Ben’s picker is a bit off.
6. Casey S. wins the Dumbest Girl in the House Award.
It pains me to say this, considering us Kansas girls tend to stick up for one another. But Casey – seriously…. Courtney is the most generous person in the house? Did the producers pay you a ton of money to stick up for her? (hey, $5k can definitely cover a down payment on a house in Kansas). We don’t blame you, but COME. ON.
5. Courtney refuses to say “yes” or “of course.”
Listen sweetheart, when Ben asks you if you will accept this rose, saying, “I do” isn’t sending him some cryptic subliminal message that you’re the one. It’s cheesy and lame. I hate you.
4. You guys have got it all wrong – Courtney is a nice person.
I’m willing to hear people out if they have a differing opinion, but Courtney trying to convince us she’s actually nice? Laughable. Especially after this epic quote: “I’m a nice person, don’t f*** with me. I want to shave her eyebrows off.” You’re right – we’ve got it all wrong about you.
3. Courtney is better than you, Part I. She’s had a lot of boyfriends.
The reason this whole experience is so difficult for Courtney is not because she has such strong feelings for Ben, but in fact it’s because she’s “always had boyfriends” and she’s not used to being with a lot of girls all the time. Wasn’t she just complaining a few weeks ago about how no guys in LA are worthy of her attention? What boyfriends is she even talking about?
2. Courtney is still better than you, Part II. She was just in Puerto Rico.
What kind of ungrateful, spoiled brat would dare blurt out to Ben that she was just in Puerto Rico 2 months ago? How, HOW, can he still not see this??
1. Courtney failed to anticipate that the Charlie Sheen jokes wouldn’t be funny by the time this season aired.
Hey Courtney, the whole “WINNING” thing isn’t funny anymore. Apparently while on your mini-vacation away from Twitter and the rest of society, you’ve failed to realize that the whole Charlie Sheen thing was only funny for about 24 hours. You lose.
That is all. Stay tuned for more reasons why I hate Courtney, guaranteed to be an ongoing theme this entire season.
BONUS MOMENT: Ben can ride horses.
Episode 3 begins and we realize that we’re STILL in California. Remember when we went to Norway with Ali, Africa with Brad, and China with Ashley?? Not this time. Bachelor Ben has decided to spend the entirety of his season climbing the coast of Cali, claiming various cities as his “hometown” along the way.
Why did I spend 20 minutes buying into the emotion of small town Sonoma last week, just to be told now that bigger, sexier San Francisco is actually Ben’s hometown?
The girls are thrilled to be in SF as they roll into the city Bachelor style, sipping champagne in a limo at 10am. Emily says that this city is sooooooooo romantic, germ free, and the perfect place to fall in love, and Brittney quickly remarks that she “can see how San Francisco is everyone’s favorite city.” I’m sorry, I love SF as much as the next 25 year old woman, but when did Brittney take a national poll on this topic? I don’t remember being asked this question.
2. The Return of Julia Flajnik
Normally, we don’t get to sit down with the star’s family for a love consultation until the final episode, but ABC has now met the female Flajniks. On day 1, Julia and Mrs. Flajnik negotiated a bolded clause into Ben’s contract, allowing them full contact and contestant screening along his journey of love. No one is getting to the final 2 without Mama Flajnik’s blessing.
So Julia has come here today to
spy on Ben do a 1st check in and make sure things are going exactly as planned. Mrs. Flajnik is also standing by, listening through a microphone chip hidden in Julia’s sweater.
Overall, the conversation is very boring and we find ourselves instead focusing on the tragedy that is Ben’s hair.
Julia ends the convo by reminding Ben of their “what would mom think” agreement, and telling him that she hopes he can be as happy as she is someday, because her relationship is perfect and she definitely didn’t have to put herself through public televised shame to find it.
3. The Classic Fear Facing Date
The minute we saw what this date would be entailing today, we knew that Emily had to be afraid of heights. Congrats to everyone who picked Emily and scored big in our fantasy league this week!
So we know the drill with this date: Emily expresses her fear in a private interview, but agrees to move forward with the task so that Ben does not think badly of her and send her home for being a coward. Halfway through the experience, she goes through a full-on panic attack, and looks to Bachelor Ben to comfort her. Not surprisingly, all it takes is 5 minutes of making out to convince her that she is no longer afraid of heights, and this experience is the most ah-mazing one she’s ever had.
Afterwards, she tells us that this near-death experience has deepened her connection with Ben in a big way, and they are now in love. Also, because she went through with the challenge her rose is now guaranteed tonight.
Hmmm…who remembers the Jake/Vienna bungee jumping, Roberto/Ali tight roping, and Brad/Michelle building rappelling dates? Same date, same music, same tears, same kiss. We’re all bored.
So the best part of this date was actually the fact that the producers planted a telescope back in the girls hotel penthouse, and guided them to discover it at the exact moment that Emily and Ben were making out on top of the Bay Bridge (no, it wasn’t the Golden Gate bridge like many other less-reputable blogs have reported).
Nicki also had a hicki, in case no one else noticed that.
Later that night, Emily and Ben enjoyed a private dinner on the Pier and the most expensive fireworks show in Bachelor history. I thought it was cute how ABC matched their fireworks to Emily’s dress too.
4. Group “Skiing” Date
I’m pretty sure this date was just set up to humiliate its participants and make the producers laugh. I wonder how much ABC had to bribe SF to shut down a street and blow fake snow all over these innocent bystander’s properties…..
The date starts out with one of the most blatant product plugs that I’ve seen in my television viewing history:
Not only do they show these cars for a full 5 minutes and force one of the girls to announce their involvement, but there are several interior shots and a full-on GPS demonstration during the drive. You’re welcome Honda!
I happen to buy media for a (much higher end) auto manufacturer, and can attest that Honda probably blew their 2012 advertising budget on this one shameless plug.
So then the date begins, and the ridiculousness of the entire thing can probably be summed up best via pictures:
Sidenote: Why is Jamie wearing a belted summer dress? How did she get out of the bikini-and-winter-accessories (i.e. slutty snowbunny) mandate?
Finally, we get a good 10 minutes of laughing in while watching Kacie B from Tennessee as she attempts to ski.
Thankfully she’s hot and adorable. It makes all of this much easier to forgive.
5. Brittney is a Diva
Was anyone else shocked when Brittney the mute received the highly coveted final “hometown” date in San Francisco? The datecard arrived with a complimentary Neil Lane knockoff: a rhinestone “SF” heart key that looks like something a tourist would have negotiated for $5 in Chinatown. Or perhaps something that my 10 year old self would have bought from Claire’s?
I mean, who WOULDN’T want to wear this around their neck:
So then Brittney goes through a really confusing messy-tears breakdown, telling us that she’s not into Ben because her Grandma signed her up for this show and she really doesn’t want to be here.
ATR Translation: Shawntel just called and offered to come back. ABC needs to boot one girl NOW to make room for her. Brittney took their bait (i.e. check) and agreed to walk out.
So that’s exactly what happened.
Nice acting, Brittney! And for future reference, stop wearing really unflattering sleeveless sweaters.
So then Brittney’s exit leads us to……
6. The Classic Private Concert Date
So yeah, this date was totally meant for Lindzi. The producers just teased it to Brittney as a part of her exit plot. I mean, Lindzi hasn’t had ANY dates yet and Ben adores her.
Overall, Lindzi and Ben’s date was pretty standard and resembled something I would imagine two 70 year olds doing on a nice night out: Trolley ride, ice cream cones, concert, a lot of dancing, piano duets, and remembering the good ol’ speakeasy days….
Matt Nathanson shows up for some free promotion and – did you know? – is currently performing nationwide for his “All Night Noise” Tour. Everyone should buy tickets.
But in the end, I’m going to give Lindzi a lot of credit for handling the situation with total class. She acted like the date was meant for her the whole time and was super excited about everything, like she had never been on a date before. I had flashbacks to Tenley Molzahn.
The jury is still out on Lindzi, but I’m warming up to her.
7. Courtney’s Drama Pact
I just love Courtney’s double personality. At the beginning of the rose ceremony, Courtney proposes a toast to tonight’s rose ceremony being drama-free and encourages everyone to be BFFs.
10 minutes later, she calls Lindzi out to her face for the way she “looks at people sometimes” and then storms off, leaving a cloud of confusion and back stabbing behind her. Elyse the man wants to take her out back with some of Emily’s gangster thugs, but Courtney has escaped to the rooftop with Ben and is back to personality #1.
8. Shawntel is BACK
Even though we’re not morons and can totally tell through episode promos and her speaking voice that the mystery woman is Shawntel Newton from Brad’s season, ABC continues to tease us by filming headless shots in the car and playing suspenseful music because they think she’s going to be a total surprise.
When Shawntel arrives at the Fairmont, Chris Harrison greets her outside and immediately scolds her for showing up in tattered jeans, a ponytail, and flats. Wtf, Shawntel. You’re a Bachelor veteran and should know better than this.
He gives her an ill-fitting red dress and some stripper shoes and tells her to pull herself together asap.
Later, at the cocktail party, Shawntel floats in under the radar but is caught by Samantha who yells “WHO WAS THAT??!” in her drunk pageant voice.
All of the girls act like they haven’t been watching this show for 15 years and have no idea who this familiar looking woman is. Ben sees Shawntel and says “Holy S#$!” because he has class like that.
Ben then proceeds to act like a stunned fool the rest of the night: acting uncomfortable that Shawntel was even there, brushing off their history of ”previous conversations” (i.e. tweets), and ditching her in the lion’s den of girls to go distill another glass of Chardonnay. If Ben was smart, he would have ended the game right there and run off with Shawntel, who is clearly smarter and classier than any of the options on the table at the moment. That would have won the award for best season in Bachelor history. Team Shawntel.
9. Erica passes out
Oh Erica, you are just so annoying to me. Your 23-year-old overly-opinionated law student self is just way too much to be on board with, especially when you compare other girls’ thighs to your own or pull dramatic moves like this one:
What exactly were you passing out from? Being hungry? Being too drunk? Chris Harrison’s final rose announcement?
I was so annoyed by the entire passing out scene, between all the girls’ fake concern, Erica’s horrified facial expressions, Emily running around like a doctor, and the delayed annoucement of the final rose recipient.
Ben decides to go all rogue this time around and break some Bachelor rules by NOT GIVING OUT THE FINAL ROSE.
This is clearly deviating off the path of love and all of the girls are horrified at such a bold move. Among the ones sent home we have:
Hot Mess Jaclyn
Guilty of not being sexy Erica
….And Shawntel, out of “fairness” to the other girls he has only known for 2 weeks. Little do they know, Ben grabbed Shawntel’s number as he walked her out and promised to meet up with her at the next Bachelor reunion, or be her power couple match on Bachelor Pad 3.
I’m not giving up on these 2.
Honorable Mention (#11): Ben’s Tongue
…We’re seeing a little too much of it.
Stay tuned for next episode’s Top 10 Moments, from AcceptThisRose.com!
And thanks to The Bachelor, she probably won’t be stuck doing casino commercials the rest of her life….
It’s time for a little game I like to play called “where were they then?” – similar to “where are they now” but let’s take a trip backwards in time to see what a few of the Bachelor contestants were up to just months ago. If you read Reality Steve‘s spoilers, this won’t be news to you. But for the rest of us, here they are…
She was featured on the cover of Fitness Magazine just months ago.
Did they photoshop her lips? They actually look normal there.
Did you know she was cast as Andy Bernard’s girlfriend on The Office?
She gets bonus points in my book for this cameo.
And now for the beauty contestants…
Samantha, Miss Pacific Palisades 2011:
Jamie, Miss Central NY:
Erika, Miss Chicago:
And now, for the full reason behind why I’m posting this story…
Blakeley, former Hooters Waitress and Maxim 100 Nominee
I know every guy’s fantasy is to hook up with Blakeley on a dirty club toilet. EW.
Which girl would you want to hang out with in her former life?
Photos courtesy of misschicago.org, coedmagazine.com, and the interwebz
Last night was filled with even more of my favorite 3 C’s: crying, cat fights, and cleavage. Here are my top 10 favorite moments.
10. Kacie B’s Baton Twirling Routine
I love Kacie B. just as much as the next guy, but the baton twirling was a little overboard on the cheese scale.
My favorite moment was when she said, “This is only the beginning…I don’t even know what’s going to happen next.” I do. Cue the baton twirl fail videos.
Here’s one of my personal favorites. Skip ahead to the 0:20 mark.
9.Everyone Hates Blakeley
You’re right, Blakeley, everyone is just really jealous of you. That’s why they say things like “Blakeley is super fakeley” behind your back and all get up and walk off when you come back from the hot tub.
And to think Ben can’t see through this slutty candystriper…
8. There’s Something “There” Between Courtney and Ben
If we have to hear Courtney blabber on and on one more time about how she and Ben just “have it”, I personally will puke.
“I can see the way he looks at me and there’s something there. It’s undeniable it’s there.”
I think she’s been practicing this line since before she was cast for the show.
7. Sonoma is Kinda Like Oklahoma City
Jennifer tells Ben that being in Sonoma reminds her of being back home in Oklahoma City.
Last time I checked, this is what Sonoma looked like:
And this is what Oklahoma City looks like:
6. Everyone Still Hates Blakeley
Blakeley broke the cardinal rule of the cocktail party before the final rose – if you already have a rose, you never, ever, ever, under any circumstances (well unless you need to reassure Ben that you still have feelings for him after a recent breakdown post rose), steal him away. And to steal him away twice??? Completely unacceptable. And skanky. And desperado.
5. Courtney Isn’t Attracted to Anyone in LA
Courtney tells Ben the reason she’s been single for so long is because she’s picky and because she “doesn’t meet guys in LA she’s attracted to.” I know, I get it. As a fellow Angeleno, I can attest that there are no good looking guys in Los Angeles. Except maybe this guy…
Or this guy…
Or maybe him…
But surely not him…
GET OVER YOURSELF, COURTNEY.
4. Jenna is Not a Girl
Cuckoo Jenna reminds us that she’s “not like a girl, if that makes any sense.” Totally.
Her breakdowns this evening were difficult for even me to watch. What was she thinking???
Side note: Is it actually 2:04 am? I’d probably be sleeping, too.
3. It’s Foggy in Sonoma
I think the special effects guys are getting bored.
2. Jaclyn’s Wig is Epic
and the #1 moment of the evening goes to…
1. Genius Kid Director FTW
Blakeley knows that “a lot of girls are competin’ for Ben’s attention”, so she takes a bold move that is sure to get Ben’s attention (hey, it works in the
strip club VIP lounge every time).
God bless these kids and their parents for allowing them to make my night.
And a special shout-out to the super horny kid who wanted Blakeley to “run in slow motion” for her audition. You deserve an Academy Award, my friend.
Tell us: what were your favorite nights of the evening?
Mary works in digital advertising and over the years has called Kansas, Notre Dame, and now Chicago home. She is an original fan of The Bachelor(ette) franchise from season 1 in 2002, and loves spreading the love (and hate) via ATR. Her favorite season to date is still Trista and Ryan's.
Danielle is a producer from 9-5 (no, not the movie kind; more like a project manager). She grew up in Kansas with Mary, and now lives in Los Angeles. When she's not writing about The Bachelor(ette), she can be found chowing down in Los Angeles at BudgetFoodie.com.