Thanks to everyone who played in our Fantasy Bachelorette League this week! Ashley sent home Matt, Ryan M. and Stephen.
Monthly Archives: May 2011
Last night’s episode left me with so much material to sort through this morning for this post – I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I should flip a coin to see which awkward moment I lead off with…
10. JP’s not in on the joke.
JP comes up with a really “clever” idea to do a coin toss to see if Ashley should kiss him. Little does he know, this has been totally played out with Mickey and isn’t cute anymore.
9. Matt needs his mom to pick him up from the airport.
Momma’s boys really aren’t that cute.
8. Ashley is out of Mickey’s league.
Ashley thinks “Mickey is gorgeous. He’s better looking than I am.” That comment is so awkward on so many levels.
7. Nick pulls a week #1 move on week #2.
Hey Nick, teaching a girl to line dance is reserved for week #1. After that, it’s just awkward.
6. The Mask is lurking while Ashley is making out with William.
This is either some fine editing, or Jeff is a creep. Or both.
5. Ashley has a really good douchebag radar.
4. Please don’t do that.
Words of wisdom: The only thing sexier than a man that can dance is a man who can’t dance and doesn’t try.
3. Matt has excellent timing.
God bless Matt for interrupting Ashley and Jeff’s conversation at the perfect time.
Can I steal you away?
2. Stay. Please stay.
No really, please stay. Listen to me… Seriously. Are you listening? Bentley, believe me. If you feel anything – which you might not – please stay. Stay. Stay. Stay. Please. Please. Please…
And the #1 most awkward moment of last night’s episode goes to…
Ah, eff it. I can’t narrow it down any further. I leave you with this photo series.
We recently discovered some lost video footage of the very first Bachelorette auditions. Hope you enjoy.
So far this season, we have 23 participants in the Fantasy Bachelorette League. We want to thank each of you for playing, and this year we’re going to mix it up with a few surprises here and there, so be on your toes!
Last night, Ashley sent Anthony, Chris M., Frank, Jon, Michael, Rob and Tim home.
Here is our current leaderboard:
Reigning champ Lily P/V is tied for the lead with 5 correct guesses!
Cammie L. is also tied for 1st with 5 correct guesses!
Tied for 2nd place with 4 points are:
Next week, Ashley sends THREE guys home. If you’d like to join in on the fun, check out the rules here and email email@example.com to get started.
Last night’s episode started out with an obligatory Bachelorette jogging scene where Ashley confesses that she actually loved Brad and wants to have “her time” now and do this season “without regrets.”
I have to admit, she looks pretty good. Her hair is much longer, she’s in great shape, and her makeup is professionally applied. Good work. She’s obviously been toning her abs so she can pull of this midriff shot.
I feel kinda bad for hating on her last season because this season they seem to be editing her to seem much more likable and cute.
Wait, what am I saying??? Let’s get to the cynicism…
Ryan P., the Solar Exec, also likes to go running.
I can appreciate Ryan because it does seem like he has a good business going, I respect the fact that he’s into alternative sources of energy, and he is pretty cute (albeit, not my type). But REALLY Ryan? The heart hands?
I mean, that might go into my Top 10 Most Ridiculous Moments on this show EVER.
Then there’s J.P., the Construction Guy. Obligatory hard hat scene:
Girls love men in hard hats.
Then Ames – I don’t remember anything about him except for his ridiculous Ivy League resume. Oh, and his hair system. Those are plugs, right?
Ben C. was cuter than I expected. I like him the best so far. Although he’s a little too hopeless romantic-y for me, I think he’s smart, passionate, and not afraid to be himself. Plus, he plays the piano.
More on him later.
Ben F., the winemaker, is not cute, in my opinion, but the fact that he’s a winemaker could go a long way. Look at him in action – touching the barrels to make sure they’re stable. I’m no winemaker, but I’m fairly confident once it’s in the barrel, walking through the cellar and patting the barrel doesn’t do jack s#&*.
Even I agree Bentley is a douche. As much as I love watching people get their hearts broken, I felt really sad for Ash when he said he didn’t give a crap about her. That’s not even funny, that’s just heartless.
West goes for a run and explains why his wife drowned in the bathtub – the in-laws never mentioned her history of seizures.
And then there’s William – he’s works at a mall kiosk, but that aside, he was pretty hilarious in this awkward umbrella scene.
Now that we’ve had a sneak peek at some of the guys, Chris Harrison decides to pull Ashley aside and talk to her about any fears or anxiety she may be having about this process. Ashley can’t help but wonder if the guys will be disappointed she’s The Bachelorette. She’s even concerned that one of the guys might not be there for “the right reasons.” Apparently a former contestant and friend of Ashley’s has informed her that Bentley might be on the show to promote his business.
Chris Harrison is startled.
Apparently ABC didn’t brief him on this or on the names of any of the candidates because he says, “his name’s what?” Bentley. Don’t act surprised.
Now the guys are arriving. Ryan P. is the first one out, and Ashley gets all giggly. He says he’s excited to get to know the “real” Ashley. On a TV show…
Then Jon shows up and picks Ashley up. I would have paid a lot of money to see a boob pop out at that point. What guy thinks a girl finds this romantic?
Mickey tries to go in for a kiss – totally rejected.
This is getting painful to watch.
Ahhh, Ben C. is here, and he’s been listening to Rosetta Stone in the limo. Although I would normally find this overwhelmingly cheesy, I thought the French scheme was adorable. What girl wouldn’t want a boy to tell her she’s beautiful in French?
West gives Ashley a broken compass stuck on “West” so she can always find her way back to him. Ashley thinks this is totally clever and doesn’t suspect that he ordered 500 broken compasses in bulk and uses this line all the time.
ANTHONY THE BUTCHER IS HERE. This guy is my favorite. First of all, I love red meat. Second of all, this guy is so over the top cheeseball, it’s actually pretty hilarious. His left side was always his best side.
Matt teaches Ashley some crazy handshake. Tip for dudes: girls don’t like doing stupid frat house handshakes.
And then Jeff the “entrepreneur” (aka unemployed) arrives with a mask on so he can take his face out of the game. Hey Jeff, we can still see most of your face.
I can think of about a dozen masks that would’ve been a much better choice.
Ben F. the winemaker brought a bottle of wine to toast with – totally classy move in my book. Plus he’s funny, er OCD – he brushed his teeth at least 8 times today.
Frank does the bonafide douche wink.
And Ryan M.’s just here to take a few pics with Ashley and meet Chris Harrison.
By the way, WHO KNEW Ashley would actually like the name “Constantine”? My Fantasy Picks are effed.
Inside the house, Ryan P. is the first to steal Ashley away, and he seems like a good guy.
My personal favorite character so far is one of the contestant’s mom – Gail. She advises that Ashley uses protection in the fantasy suite. If Dr. Greene is unavailable this season, I think Gail would be a good replacement.
Michael pulled my favorite move of the night. He lures Ashley outside to “play her a song” on the guitar and then confesses he doesn’t play the guitar at all and ditches it in the pool.
Meanwhile, back in the house, Tim is getting wasted, and he builds a pillow fort between himself and Jeff “The Mask.”
Jeff “The Mask”: So where are you from?
Tim “The Drunk”: I’m from the land where, uh… is this for real?
Ben C. is back with some big signs in a window. I still think he’s cute and not one bit creepy.
Tim, the Wine & Spurs salesman, gets totally s***faced and is startled by Ashley coming to talk to him.
She leaves him to drink some water, but instead he goes back inside to harass the mask guy some more.
Does anyone else feel like this should be the beginning to a really good joke? “Drunk guy and a guy in a mask walk into a room…”
Frank thinks maybe Tim can’t handle the pressure. He imparts some advice – “if you can’t take the heat, get out of the oven.”
It just goes really downhill from here and the boys have to carry Tim out to a minivan to leave early.
Ryan P gets the first impression rose:
Then at the rose ceremony, Ashley gives a great speech about how excited she is to send some guys home.
She sends home Tim (the drunkard), Anthony (the butcher), Rob (the techy guy), Chris M. (the Canadian), Frank (Aristotle over here), Michael (the guitarist), and Jon (the cryer).
I’ll leave you with the saddest moment of the evening – Anthony the Butcher’s Farewell Speech.
I’m a little pissed off that things ended the way they did. I’ve been single for 7 years. I don’t know how to feel anymore. Who wants to be hurt, ya know? But she’s a pretty girl, she’s a nice girl. I hope one of the guys can make her very happy for the rest of her life. Clearly, I’m not that guy. She may have a handful with some of the guys she picked tonight. But I, you know, if she wants to spend the rest of her life with Batman, hey, what do I know? I’m just a small town butcher from Jersey. And I’m goin’ back.
Today is the big day. It’s the beginning of a new life for Ashley Hebert. Twenty-five men will be dying to get a moment of her time to prove that they are the perfect match for this adorable “dentist.”
I just made myself vomit.
I am SO EXCITED for this season of The Bachelorette. We thought we knew what a trainwreck looked like back when “Shooter” told Ali he got his nickname by prematurely ejaculating in college, but I have higher hopes for this season. Let’s take a look at the most awkward candidates…
Let’s start with Frank. Frank is a College Admissions Director in Anchorage, Alaska. His best attributes are “Attitude/positivity. FUN. Smile.”
Just by using caplocks on the “FUN” part tells me I would want to swat this guy like an annoying fly in about two seconds. In fact, call me a Debbie Downer, but I can’t really stand happy people. It’s like – what are you so happy about? There are people dying in the world. Stop making the rest of us feel bad.
Next up is Jeff, aka “Crazy Eyes”. I bet he thinks his baby blues are going to sweep Ashley off her feet so he’s trying to accentuate them. Less is more, Jeff. Less is more.
Meet Bentley. He’s a businessman from Tampa. When asked what was the most outrageous thing he had ever done, Bentley responded, “Drove 40 hours straight.” NO WAY!! You are ToTaLlY CrAzY, Bentley!
Then there’s Blake, the REAL dentist. This is gonna be so good. He actually seems cute and interesting, and I can’t wait for him to start talking shop with Ashley so we can find out she has no idea what a set of bite wings are.
Here’s Jon, the guy who doesn’t button up his shirt to an appropriate level. He described himself as being “blunt, loud and opinionative.” Weird, I wouldn’t have guessed that by your shirt.
I’m calling this one early – this is J.P. and he’s gonna be the cry baby. In his profile, he said he gets frustrated when things don’t go his way. I expect to see him hiking up Malibu Canyon Road in the middle of the night.
This is Stephen, the hairstylist. Moving on…
Here’s Tim, the liquor distributor. This guy’s totally getting axed round 1.
If I had to choose one of these goons…
I’ve got my eye on one guy so far that I’d be happy to take as sloppy seconds. (Well besides Mickey; He’s out of my league.)
I’m going with West, the Lawyer from South Carolina:
He’s a lawyer for God’s sake, he’s well traveled, and he’s 30 so more likely to settle down. Not a bad choice.
EDIT: I just realized West is the one who is suspected of being involved in his wife’s death. I sure know how to pick ‘em.
Who do you think will be the biggest trainwreck this season??